I have laid in my bed trying to quiet my mind for the better part of an hour to no avail. My mind is racing with thoughts that have no point of rest.
Tonight I cannot sleep because I am in awe.
I am in awe of the legacy set before me.
I am a son. A man has gone before me, set a path before me, set a course for my life, and I will forever bear the marks of that path. No matter where I go or what I do that course that has been set for me will sway the direction of my life.
I am a grandson. A man has lived before me as an example and a rock. A man has lived a life ahead of me that has given me a bar to reach and a call to fulfill. A man has, by his very existence and dedication to what it is that he dedicated his life to, altered the way I see the world and the way I see myself.
My mind finally rests in the Old Testament, in the ancient Jewish culture where a father and a son where so close to the point of being one. Where the business of a father was to raise a son to continue that business, and the business of a son was to take on the business of a father. I wonder what it was like to be a son in those times. To look at your future and know it was set. To look ahead and know that what is ahead is bound in the past and released to the future to carry that which has passed on with you to greater heights. I wonder if that is my lot in life.
I was raised a pastor's son. My first memories are centered around the church. Salvation. Baptism. The church Christmas tree lot. The parsonage. Riding my bike to my daddy in the church parking lot. I was raised the son of a minister. I was raised in the church and since I can remember I have been commissioned to the church. It is my home.
I have spent my life under the guidance of a man with three goals, to Love the Lord his God, to love and lead his family in the ways of that God, and to be a shepherd to the people that God has called him to teach and guide. I have spent my life learning that my God is the conduit through which my life flows and that my life is meant to follow that flow wherever my God directs it, dedicating my life to the family that God has blessed me with and the calling that God has commissioned me to.
My mind comes to rest on the fact that I have been given a legacy to carry on. My grandfather, Rev. Clarence Williams, was picked up by the Lord from his drunken death bed to spread the gospel to every person he met, literally, for the rest of his life. He went from a song writer gone drunk to a pastor and shepherd who had a fire in his heart to win that lost that I have never seen matched. His dying wish was to see every member of his family accept Christ and hours before he died all five of the grandchildren that did not know Christ whispered into his ear that they had come to know Jesus. His dying breaths were spent passing on a legacy to preach gospel with every action, and his legacy was passed on to my father.
My father, Rev. Glenn Ward, was an angry fighter. He was a man who found his identity in a ring and the glory that came when the bell rang and the referee raised his hand. He was a man with enough hate in his heart for his own father to drive him to unspeakable things. He is a man who was raised by a drunkard who beat him and left him. He was a man that was hell bent on becoming exactly what he hated. But God, yet again, picked him up out that life style and placed him on a different path. God found him in a speed shop and turned him in to a new man. My father is now a pastor who has dedicated his life to forgiveness and love. Apart from forgiving the father that nearly killed him on multiple occasions, he has accepted the calling to pastor hurting churches. He is the pastor of what some have called the "man-eating" churches. The ones that have split, the ones that have been filled with division and carnality and need someone to mend wounds and bring peace. He has been given a ministry of reconstruction out of a life of destruction. My father has more grace and peace than any man I have ever met. I have watched him as he has pastored churches that couldn't afford to write his whole pay check. I have watched him pastor churches that have betrayed his trust and thrown his dedication back in his face. I have watched him accept the calling of God to the churches that few people see and even fewer people remember, the calling without glory or a big name. And I have watched him do this willingly with a heart of love and compassion that trusts God to meet his every need and cares for people that spit in his face. With his every breath he leaves for me a legacy.
I, Clifton J. Ward, have mad my own battles. I was on a path of sexual sin, wrapped up by my own desires, until God literally spoke into my mind that I had the choice to follow Him with my whole heart and life or to continue wasting my life in my own selfishness. I have dedicated my life to Christ and committed to him to follow in my father's footsteps as a pastor and shepherd. I am ready to pick up the legacy that is being handed to me and allow God to make me a man worthy to carry it.
Now, at two a.m. in my house in Indiana, I sit praying that somehow God will give me the grace to live up to that legacy. One more year stands between myself and a degree in ministry and a career as a pastor. But not even an hour sits between myself and the calling that has been set before my life. I think of Philippians 1:6 knowing that He not only began a good work in me, but began the good work long before I was born, and He will be faithful to complete it. I have been given a legacy and calling. The bar has been set before me and I have been challenged and commissioned to live up to that bar. I have been blessed to spend my life observing pastors that are incredible models and to spend my life learning at the side of the greatest pastor I have known. I have been blessed to have that pastor believe in me and believe in my calling to spend my life as shepherd, furthering the kingdom of God with every breath. I have been given a legacy, and I have been equipped to carry it on.
I am a grandson.
I am a son.
Someday I will be a father, and leave legacy for those who stand to carry it on.
I wonder what other Legacies have been left for us. Vocations? Passions? Hobbies? Callings? From fathers? From grandfathers? From mentors? From hero's that we have spent our lives watching? What legacy will we carry on? What legacy will our children receive?
