One of the best parts of my job as a pastor is being involved in the lives of the people I minister to. For me specifically, since I work primarily with youth, I get to attend sporting events. I've begun to notice a few trends in parents who watch their students play. There are many different types of parents, from those who threaten to sue the officials for one more bad call to those who sit quietly and wonder what all the fuss is about. I decided, for the sake of clarity, that I would create a set of categories so next time you are at a game you know exactly who you're sitting by.
1. "My Child Carries This Team on Her Back"
- aka: "Single Child Family" "Private School"
- Characteristics: This parent is yelling. Not cheering. Yelling. At the refs. At the coach. At the other team. Every time their offspring sits on the bench to take a water break it becomes a personal offense against generations of Smiths. Oftentimes this parent doesn't know or care what the score is, they just know it would be higher if their kid were on the floor.
2. "Run Down the Field and Hit Another Basket"
- aka: "Brought My Knitting with me" "Jack, did you bring your cup?" "My Son Thinks You're Beautiful"
- Characteristics: This parent is also yelling, but not to be confused with parent 1, this parent is cheering. This parent is cheering for everything. Baskets. Touchdowns. RBIs. Fouls. Defense. The Cheer leaders. Your 8th grade crush. They may not know if this is basketball or track but they do know that their team better win... as long as the other team doesn't have to lose.
3. "He Reminds Me of Me When I Was His Age"
- aka: "Dad" "The Unpayed Assistant Coach"
- Characteristics: You'll find this person somewhere between screaming advice from the drills his child was coerced into doing after school and mumbling statistics from the state tourney in '83. You've also seen him sitting on the bleachers during practice spewing well meaning advice to the team and muttering about how much more they used to run when he played.
4. "I Want to Cheer But I'm Just Not Sure"
- aka: "It's the Thought that counts" "You're always a winner in my heart"
- Characteristics: Sitting next to someone with anxious eyes, fidgety hands, but hushed silence occasionally broken by the first few syllables of "Way to Go Kid!"? You're sitting next to parent 4. Ever supportive on the inside but ever timid on the outside, parent four thinks the world of her daughter but just isn't sure if it would be right for her to yell or when the appropriate time to cheer is. She will also be caught making horrified faces at parent number 1 because she doesn't understand how they could be so rude.
5. "I'm Here for Ya Son... While I check my email"
-aka: "Hey Mrs Cheerleading Coach, I'm Bill."
-Characteristics: He's the one guy shouting out advice that is helpful, but irrelevant. "Defense is the best offense"... while his son's at the free throw line.
Who else have you seen at high school sporting events?
